Hardest Thing
by XxmickeyTxX
Summary: based off the song "Hardest Thing" by 98 Degrees. its edwards thoughts during New Moon as he was telling Bella goodbye in the woods. -songfic-


I desperately tried to keep my composure as she broke down in front of me. It took all of my self control not to run over to her, take her in my arms, and make her think everything was alright. But I couldn't, I couldn't endanger her anymore…

_We both know that I shouldn't be here  
>This is wrong<br>And baby it's killing me, it's killing you  
>Both of us trying to be strong<em>

It was truly killing me inside, "I don't want you Bella..." I tried to be strong, tried to come off as icily as possible. Our relationship was endangering her life; it was wrong…

_I've got somewhere else to be  
>Promises to keep<br>Someone else who loves me  
>And trusts me fast asleep<em>

"We're leaving today, we have over stayed our welcome, it's time Bella. I'm sorry…" I had to keep my promise, my family was right. What I was doing with her wasn't healthy, I mean look at her…she's begging monster to stay with her. Rosalie may have been right…I ruined her life, just as she's now ruining mine…

_I've made up my mind  
>There is no turning back<br>She's been good to me  
>And she deserves better than that<em>

My family told me to do what my heart tells me, but my heart is confused. I want to be with her…I want her…so much…but this is it. I've already said goodbye…I can't keep going back and forth, she deserves much more than this…more than what I can ever give her…

_It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do  
>To look you in the eye<br>And tell you I don't love you  
>It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie<br>To show no emotion when you start to cry_

This is the hardest thing I have and ever will have to do, I have to say goodbye to my love…"I don't love you Bella…!" I can't believe it…it hurt so much…I wanted to tell her how much I love her…! How much I wanted to be with her…! How much she meant to me and how much I need her…"Please don't cry, don't make this harder than it needs to be." I can't stand to see you cry Bella…it breaks my non-existent heart…

_I can't let you see what you mean to me  
>When my hands are tied and my heart's not free<br>We're not meant to be_

It's the hardest thing I'll ever had to do  
>To turn around and walk away<br>Pretending I don't love you

I hate how I can't show her what I was truly feeling, what I truly wanted, no matter how selfish they were…but this wasn't meant to be, this isn't healthy, it wasn't right…I think…I don't even know anymore… "Goodbye Bella." I leaned in and kissed her forehead, breathed in her scent one last time…this is it…I was finally walking away…

_I know that we'll meet again  
>Fate has a place and time<br>So you can get on with your life  
>I've got to be cruel to be kind<em>

"From this moment on you will never see me again, forget about me and my family, live as though we never existed, move on….for me…" I stopped on last time to hear her reaction, "o-okay…" She broke down to the ground, begging me and crying…I couldn't take this…and even though I said we would never meet again I had this strange feeling that we actually would…that we would meet again…I figured it was just another of my selfish wishes…

_Like Dr. Zhivago  
>All my love I'll be sending<br>And you will never know cuz  
>There can be no happy ending<em>

It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do  
>To look you in the eye<br>And tell you I don't love you  
>It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie<br>To show no emotion when you start to cry

Maybe another time, another day  
>As much as I want to, I can't stay<p>

I love her…so much…I will always love her, why did she believe me so quickly? She knows I will always love her, no matter what happens…I hope…'maybe one day' I thought to myself. 'Maybe one day, in some other dimension, we will be together again…'

_(Ooh)_

I've made up my mind  
>There is no turning back<br>She's been good to me  
>And she deserves better than that<p>

It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do  
>To look you in the eye<br>And tell you I don't love you  
>It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie<br>To show no emotion when you start to cry

I don't want to live a lie  
>What can I do<p>

I love you Bella…until I can hold you again…touch you again…I will forever be living a lie…

….I LOVE YOU…ISABELLA SWAN…with all my "heart"….please forgive me…

* * *

><p>I love this song so much, I hope you all like it. R&amp;R!<p> 


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